


All I ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

by stellarwobble



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-30
Updated: 2011-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarwobble/pseuds/stellarwobble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teyla is feeling a little lost after her divorce. She starts to go frequent the Altantis Diner, to have someone to talk to.</p><p>Written for an exchange where the recipient wanted a complete AU as well as angst or difficulty in getting together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

It has been a year since her divorce was finalized and Teyla still feels like there is a little cloud of sadness that follows her wherever she goes.  
She tries to rearrange the furniture in her apartment to cover the empty spaces left where Kanaan had his desk, his stereo.

She tries to visit Athos, arrives exhausted after the long journey and sleeps in Halling’s guest room. For years the possibility that she might one day move back has been tickling at the back of her brain. She looks straight in the face of loss now, the Athos of her childhood gone forever. It is now only the place where her father suffered and died.

Once she has come back she tries to imagine moving away, anywhere. To find another teaching position and start over. She never knows how Dr Jackson finds out but he is so upset that she does not have the heart to pursue her plans.

“You can’t leave us, please. You, you’re good with people, fundraising, grad students.” He keeps removing and putting his glasses back on, something he does under stress. “I’ll give you a raise – well no, I can’t actually. Would you like a bigger office? Robert!” Dr Rothman appears in the doorway, his arms full of papers that he keeps in place with his chin. “Give Teyla your office.”

She tries to get out more and decides to dine out once a week. The Atlantis Diner is just outside campus and on her way home.

 

SsSsS

 

The high ceiling makes it seem larger but it is really just a hole-in-the-wall restaurant with a high old-fashioned bar and a few tables. The walls are painted blue and green and the air inside is always cool. The only thing that at first look places it in the modern world is the big-screen TV behind the bar.

There seems to be few other guests but the owner, a Mr. Sheppard does not seem bothered by it. It is most difficult to imagine anything that would bother him. While he is courteous he shows no desire to get under your skin, something that Teyla appreciates.

Soon she comes several times each week. She brings paperwork, grant applications and papers that need grading. The tuna sandwich is always good and in the early evening the place is quiet.

At first he is just another customer. A guy in permanently wrinkled shirts who comes in most days, often a little after Teyla and sits at the bar and talks to Sheppard. His words fill the room and rather than feeling annoyed Teyla is somewhat comforted. She has spent many nights alone by now.

It is easy to sit a little while at the bar before going home, to soak in the guy’s quicksilver flow of words and Sheppard’s lazy interruptions.

His name is Rodney and he works at the college too, in the engineering department. His colleagues are stupid and his students monumentally so but his cat was very intelligent. His ex-wife is totally hot and kind of intelligent and sort of stupid at the same time. Science fiction TV shows are important things and some are amazing and some are stupid and Sheppard has absolutely no ability to correctly tell which shows fall into which category.

Teyla knows when he starts to really see her. Quick sideways looks at first, his speech not interrupted. And after a few weeks he greets her with a thin, lopsided smile as she takes her place at the bar. His hands draw fleeting, precise shapes in the air as he talks about a breakthrough, how he will find out how and why, very soon.

When he first talks to her he has the same focus, but his words are more hesitant.

“So, um, have you only just moved here?”

“No, I took a teaching position five years ago. But I started to change my habits after-” it is still hard to say it. Still a little voice inside her head that tells her you failed “after my divorce. I thought it would make me feel better.”

“Ah, that’s a good idea, actually. I should have thought of that.” He waves his hand dismissively at Sheppard who says “You wouldn’t last a week in another place, Rodney.”

“And um, is it working? Do you feel better now? Hey, no, no” Sheppard has switched channel from an old Star Trek episode to a football game “Are you crazy? That’s the one with the planet of all, ah women.” He leans over the bar to snatch the remote from Sheppard who sighs and says “Seriously, not a week.”

“Yes” Teyla tells Rodney who cradles the remote to his chest. “I feel happier now.”

 

SsSsS

 

All in all, Rodney takes it rather well when he finds out that Teyla’s PhD is cultural anthropology a few weeks later. He goes quiet for a moment and then he says “Well, ah that’s. That’s very interesting. Really. Fascinating.” He looks down at his coffee cup and chews his lip. Sheppard glances at Teyla, one eyebrow raised.

Rodney holds out for about thirty seconds before spluttering “Oh, come on it’s a soft science, and I use the term loosely, and I’m sorry but I think it’s just a waste since you’re obviously brilliant and should…Well-”

“Do you play chess?” Teyla asks. That makes Rodney stop mid-rant with his finger still pointed at her.

They get the board set up and after Teyla makes her first move she says, innocently, “Our methodology is actually quite extensively validated.” The resulting argument lasts until the end of the game.

“Re-match?” Rodney asks and he looks younger and less tired than earlier in the evening. “I’m bad with people” he adds, chin raised in defiance.

Teyla feels herself smile. “Tomorrow.”

 

SsSsS

 

They turn out to be evenly matched at chess but Rodney finds her lacking in knowledge about science fiction, specifically the earlier, televised kind.

“Have you thought about what it is about these stories that draw you to them?” she asks as Rodney finally draws breath halfway through a comparison of Lt Uhura to one of the earlier companions.

He thinks for a while. “Well, I guess, when I was a kid I just thought it would be so cool to live like that, you know. Have all that technology that just worked and get to see the universe. And um, they always have. Have friends.” He smiles his unhappy-looking smile and looks down.

“Plus, hot girls” Sheppard says. Rodney throws his soggy napkin at him and misses.

 

SsSsS

 

“You could find out, now, couldn’t you?” Teyla is still eating her sandwich and Rodney is puzzled by the lack of information about from where the Athosians came to those lonely, windy islands close to Antarctica. For some reason she is not offended, she knows he approaches all aspects of life this way, certain that there is an answer, and that he can find it if he wants to. “With, with DNA mapping, that sort of stuff.”

“Perhaps.” She tries unsuccessfully to block the memory of men who came to her school when she was a child. They gave out pretty bookmarks in exchange for a little blood. It only hurt afterwards, when her father found out. She remembers his cold fury towards the teacher who had let the strangers in, her shame that she had disappointed him. “But my interest has always been more in the way my people viewed their history, rather than pin-pointing our origins on a map.”

“Mm.” Rodney looks unconvinced.

“Besides, I am quite content to believe that our ancestors were brought to Ahtos from faraway stars by beings of light.” She bumps shoulders with Rodney who snorts. But instead of making a sarcastic response he turns towards her, reaches up to run his knuckles down her cheek. He is still smiling shyly when he looks back down. A shiver runs through Teyla at his touch.

 

SsSsS

 

One night it is only ten o’clock when Sheppard turns off the TV and tells them he is closing. “Time to leave, kids.”

“But.” Rodney is looking forlornly at the TV as if he expects the re-run of Star Trek: Voyager to resume though the screen is now dark. “But.”

Sheppard rolls his eyes. “They probably make a daring last-minute escape and save the imprisoned aliens.”

“But what if this is one of the episodes where they cannot save the aliens for fear of violating the Prime Directive?” Teyla asks and Sheppard gives her a betrayed look as Rodney turns to her and says, completely serious, “Marry me?”

They amble down the street, discussing peer reviews and when it is time for Teyla to break from Rodney’s path to get home she feels reluctant to do so. They stand on a corner, quiet now and for some reason Teyla shivers. Then Rodney takes her hand, clumsily grabbing first her forearm and then sliding his big, warm palm down to grab hers. She never consciously thought about this but the want, the longing hits her sharp. He looks down at his feet and it is Teyla who steps closer. Going with him is easy.

 

SsSsS

 

Rodney’s apartment is messy, at least what little Teyla can see of it. They stumble like an awkward pair of dancers, because Rodney seems to want to touch her all over at once and Teyla only wants to get close to him. She keeps shivering and Rodney is so warm, his hands in her hair, running over her back.

Undressing takes forever this way. When they finally get to Rodney’s (very unmade) bed Teyla pushes him down on his back. She leans over him and sees that his eyes have gone dark. She has to pause and just look and that’s when he reaches up to touch her cheek, cups it with a different sort of urgency than he showed earlier and whispers her name as his thumb runs over her lips.

It is only then that Teyla thinks that this might not be as easy as she first thought.

She pushes that thought away, though. Tonight she feels good, lets herself feel good.

This is a game that she has not played for a long time, did not ever play a lot. Is she supposed to leave right away, or would it be acceptable to stay? Rodney solves it for her by falling asleep almost immediately after, mumbling “You’re so. So. I’ll just.” He is solid and comforting beside her, his hand on her shoulder. His snuffling breaths tickle her neck. Teyla finds she sleeps well like this.

When they wake in the morning Rodney looks confused for a moment before smiling at her, more unguarded than she has seen him before. “Hey” he says softly “you’re still here.”

 

SsSsS

 

Things are somewhat awkward after that. It turns out that Teyla’s top is wrinkled beyond redemption and when she asks if she can borrow a shirt Rodney has trouble finding a clean one. He also has only one toothbrush. Teyla feels the need to leave quickly, and not only because she wants to change clothes before her lecture. Rodney, it turns out, is barely coherent before his first cup of coffee. The way he looks everywhere for his ratty blue bathrobe makes Teyla suspect that he usually does not bother to get dressed before starting the coffee-maker. He comes to the door as she is about to leave. His hair sticks out in several directions and he looks everywhere but at her.

“So, I, um. I hope you. That is.” Teyla tries for about ten seconds not to find him endearing and it becomes impossible to say the things she felt she needed to.

She hugs him, soaking in his warmth and the way he smells like washing powder and coffee and Rodney. He freezes at first, and then he says “Oh, oh” and wraps his arms around her.

When she steps back he looks at her and his smile is lopsided as always but his eyes are warm. Teyla stands on her toes to touch her forehead against his, and when she leaves her little sad cloud is gone.

 

SsSsS

 

As she enters Atlantis Diner that evening she is suddenly nervous. Rodney is already there, flushing a deep red when he sees her. Even sitting next to him Teyla feels like they are too far apart, and she cannot remember how she usually greets him. The silence stretches until she says, too formally “Hello, Rodney” as he lets out a strangled “Hi.”

Sheppard’s eyebrows do a complicated dance and as he gives Teyla her tea he says “Should have thrown you two out earlier, huh?”

“Oh, shut up!” Rodney says and takes her hand.

As they stumble towards Rodney’s bed that night he breaks off a kiss to say “I, I bought a pack of tooth-brushes” and Teyla laughs and then proceeds to find out that Rodney is a little ticklish.

 

SsSsS

 

“Our people never had a written history.” The night is warm and Rodney is rubbing his hand slowly along her side. “That is actually rare, since we have lived in one place as long as anyone can remember. An exclusively oral history is more commonly associated with nomadic people.” Rodney does not respond so she pinches him.

“Ow! I’m listening.”

“Sorry” Teyla says lightly, “but you said nothing derogatory about soft sciences, so I concluded that you were not paying attention.” Rodney glares at her before flopping down on his back and drawing her on top. She settles her head on his shoulder, listens to his heart-beat for a minute before continuing.

“My grandmother was one of the last Storykeepers. Even as a little girl she was taken aside and taught the tales of the ancestors so that the knowledge would not be lost. My mother told me that when she was a little girl she expected to be chosen in the same way.” She does not need to tell Rodney what happened. The war, the naval base, radio and factories. Modern times came to Athos, and there was no need for Storykeepers any more. “She – it was a sadness that always followed her, I think.”

“You’re their Storykeeper now, of a kind.” Rodney says sleepily.

 

SsSsS

 

She only starts to worry after the pattern of their meetings change subtly. They still mostly converge in Atlantis Diner after the working day is over, but some evenings they go straight home (always his home).

One such evening Teyla is curled up on Rodney’s couch with her feet in his lap. He is proof-reading an article for a physics journal for a colleague, cursing and waving his pen about. She catches his hand a few times when she is on the verge of being marked. When he is done he sneaks his hand under her jeans leg to rub along her shin.

“Do you think the Doctor loves Martha?” Teyla asks after long, comfortable silence.

“Yes” Rodney replies without hesitation, and then looks a little surpprised at what he just said. “But, uh, I think he knows – well, he knows what he is and he would never ask her to leave her life, or anything.” He laughs quietly and she pokes him in his stomach with her foot.

“What is it?”

“My sister always asked things like that when we were kids. I thought, why would someone like the Doctor, or Captain Kirk care about a girl when they had so much interesting stuff to explore.”

She pokes him again. “Girls can be interesting, too.”

“Ow! Well I know that, now, of course.” His hands wander further up along her leg and his eyes glitter.

And Teyla worries. The last time she felt like this in a relationship she had ended up losing herself.

 

SsSsS

 

She almost leaves like a thief in the night, but after crawling out of bed and dressing quietly she shakes Rodney awake. He jerks in his sleep, mumbles “Just, just a minute” and burrows into the comforter.

Once he is awake he gets it immediately, takes in that Teyla is fully dressed while the room is still dark. He looks sad and weary, but not surprised.

“I-“ Teyla wants to explain, tell him about Kanaan, how it was so easy at first and how she fears that she might slip away like that once more. But her words have run out.

“No, no. I. I’m bad with, with” his shoulders slump “I know it’s not.” And then so quietly it is hard to hear “I know.”

They shake hands and Teyla leaves.

 

SsSsS

 

She leaves the furniture in place this time, but she does not visit the Atlantis Diner anymore.

She dreams a lot about her father, for some reason. In her dreams, he is always hurt that she would think he died and she becomes used to feeling the cold hand of loss around her heart each morning. (She wonders if her subconscious is trying to remind her that there are worse things than walking away from one who loves you.)

The time has come for the anthropology department to arrange the bi-annual Langford lecture and it is on Teyla’s suggestion that Dr Jackson invites professor Dex. Arranging everything to the satisfaction of their guest takes up a lot of her time and she almost tricks herself into believing that she is going to forget.

But she remembers, she does and it comes back to her as she is trying to fall asleep. How Rodney would fall asleep immediately after sex, but seek her out unconsciously and most of the time end up spooned behind her, a heavy arm thrown across her like an anchor. And how he would often wake in the middle of the night with a start, murmur her name and draw her even closer, smiling against her skin before falling asleep again in the middle of a slow caress.

 

SsSsS

 

The Langford lecture is a success, through and through. The hall is packed and Professor Dex’s plea for the return of appropriated artifacts from western museums is met with thunderous applause.

“Did you see the look on Woolsey’s face?” Dr Jackson asks, not for the first time. They have gone to a Chinese restaurant to celebrate. He and Dr Rothman toast her.

“Do you think the Doctor could love another timelord?” Teyla asks, which makes them exchange worried glances.

 

SsSsS

 

Autumn is near. It will bring new students and Teyla will learn their names and Dr Jackson and Dr Rothman will not. Halling will be disappointed when she is too busy to come to Athos for the harvest festival, but he will not say that to her.

One afternoon she is looking out at the grey ocean, thinking that it is really too cold to be sitting at a bench on the boardwalk but she feels too lethargic to walk away. When Mr Sheppard approaches it is the first time she has seen him outside his restaurant and yet it feels utterly normal that he should have found her there.

He nods in greeting and sits beside her. They stay quiet for a long time.

“Rodney went away for a couple of weeks.” he says. “Said he had to get someone out of a mess in Siberia, or something.” The waves crash on the shore relentlessly and Teyla cannot pretend Rodney is not the reason she stopped coming to Atlantis Diner.

“I was very much in love with my former husband.” Teyla says and it is now Sheppard who stays quiet. If he wonders what the topic of conversation has to do with Rodney he does not ask. “But I lost myself and the thought that it could happen again is frightening to me.”

The waves are all alike and all the time transforming. Teyla sees a great stretch of grey autumns to come and they press heavily on her, something she never really felt before.

“How do you know when love will end up hurting you?”

“You don’t.” Sheppard looks out over the ocean. “Sometimes you just feel that it’s worth the risk. But I guess you know that already.”

Teyla nods. There is a lump in her throat.

 

SsSsS

 

She tries not to think about it, and in the flurry of activity that always comes at the start of the academic year it is surprisingly easy. One evening as she leaves her office she finds that she is ready to go back to Atlantis Diner.  
Rodney is there, waving his arms about as he complains about Russian food and makes is clear that someone named Zelenka owes him big time.

When he sees her he looks so happy for a moment it cuts through her like a knife, and even more so when his face falls just a short while later. He turns towards Sheppard and only looks at her when she walks up to him.

“Teyla, hey!” he says. “I, um, I had to go away.”

She had a thought-out speech that included Sheppard’s words about risk and knowing when it is worth it. But all that disappears as she steps close to Rodney and he does not hesitate but draws her into a hug, tight, tight. Teyla fists her hands in his shirt and holds on to him. And as Rodney strokes restlessly over her back and whispers “Teyla, Teyla” she buries her face in his neck and smiles against his skin.

 

End

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 sticksandsnark exchange, for silver_galaxy's request.


End file.
